We Make Paper Penises.

What the flying fuck?

Welcome to PaperPeen.

Yes, you read that right. Send anyone in the world you love, hate, and/or want to masturbate to, a paper penis. Designed exclusively, for the master baiter in you.

... WHY?

It's cheaper than therapy, classier than unsolicited dick pictures, and who's going to expect a paper penis? Nobody's going to see it coming. Have you Googled how to fold a paper penis? It's a fucking accomplishment to fold one of those things. That shit is hard.


WAIT! So uh, what does this thing look like?

IT LOOKS LIKE A PENIS. I mean, come on, use your imagination: 8===D~

Heh. How does this work again?

Click the buy button. Decide who you want to send a paper penis to and then enter their address. Paper penis will be sent.

Is anyone going to find out I sent them a paper penis?

Only if you can't help yourself and run your mouth.

Can I customize my penis?

Fuck, no.

Edit: maybe, for Valentine's--just for that romantic in you who deem it completely appropriate to send your main squeeze paper penises in different swatches of pink, purple, and red.

How long does it take for my paper penis to reach?

1-2 weeks simply because the paper penises are being shipped from the middle of fucking nowhere. It's all about the delayed gratification, remember?

Can I get a paper vagina?

No, fuck off. But I might eventually peddle a whole bag of dicks.

OMG, I love this site! How can I show my love?

Instagram your shit with #paperpenis and you might see your paper penis here in all its glory! On second thought, forget it. Don't fucking hashtag anything. I don't want to have to deal with actual non-paper penises that end up in the stream.

How much is it again?

$9.99. Shipping included, to anywhere in the world.

Buy Now.

If you forget to enter an address at the checkout page, know that your paper penis will be mailed to the nearest frat house and/or senior home.


No illegal shit, please.


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